I’m a big fan of your website, as it transports me back to my own childhood and to my years as a mother actively disciplining her brood. I had no problems with spanking when it was richly deserved – correctly administered with love, a sore bottom can do a child a world of good.
The fact that I raised six of my own, and was intimately familiar with their bare behinds for more than a decade each, led a young mother at my church to ask me a question. That was: “If you’re going to spank a child, should you do it on the spot when misbehaviour occurs, or should you wait until bedtime?” I thought your readers might be interested in the advice I offered to that lady.
Personally, I was a big fan of bedtime spankings when mine were growing up. Bedtime punishments offer a number of advantages. Firstly, the child knows what’s coming, and has plenty of time to think about their behaviour. That alone can be a worse punishment than the actual spanking, which though painful is usually over pretty quickly.
Secondly, spanking at bedtime can give irritated or angry parents time to calm down about the child’s behaviour, so that corporal punishment can be administered in an orderly and controlled fashion. This ‘cooling down’ time may even sometimes result in the parent deciding that spanking might not be the appropriate punishment in particular cases.
Finally, getting their spanking at bedtime means that children can be comforted, then put straight to bed. In my experience, spanked children sleep very well after the ordeal of pain, and the exertions of wriggling and crying. Plus, it’s kinder that they don’t have to face the world again immediately after being spanked, and in the morning all can be forgiven and life moves on.
Having said all the above, delaying a spanking until bedtime is not always the right thing to do. I think it depends on two things – age and urgency.
Very young children (up to the age of about five or so) need to be spanked immediately if you’re going to do it. Their reasoning is not yet formed enough to connect misbehaviour in the moment with punishment some hours later. So, little ones need to go over your knee right away. However, once they are old enough to connect deeds with consequences, bedtime begins to be the best time to spank.
Finally, urgency. If a child is behaving in a way that is clearly dangerous either for themself or others, it is imperative to stop that misbehaviour right away. Likewise, if the behaviour exhibited is clearly anti-social or immediately disruptive, then it is clearly the parent’s duty to stop it in its tracks. Time to spank.
I would add, however, that in some cases (and providing the child is old enough, as already discussed), there may well be an argument for an immediate spanking, followed by a second at bedtime to underline the parent’s teaching.
I hope this is helpful for those who have children of spanking age in their care, and maybe provoked a few memories in the minds of others who experienced such discipline themselves!
Contributor: Jasmine
[Editor’s note: This may be a good time to remind our readers that Maman does not endorse spanking of today’s children, but we do occasionally allow others to voice their opinions on the subject.]