Mothers Talking: Helena

Around 13 years ago, Maman spoke to Helena, a Midwest mother-of-one whose daughter was seven years old at the time. Both Helena and her daughter’s name have been changed, as she agreed to speak to us on condition of absolute anonymity.

How often do you need to spank Jessica?

Surprisingly, but thankfully, progressively less. Only maybe 18 months ago, there wasn’t a week went by when she didn’t need physical correction, but now we’re occasionally going a whole month without her having to go over Mommy’s knee.

What do you use to spank?

I have a little paddle which I call The Spanker. It’s plain wood and about the size and shape of an ordinary hairbrush – maybe a little smaller – but without the bristles.

How did you come to select it to punish Jessica with?

It was actually a gift at Jessica’s baby shower from one of my best friends, who already had three kids of her own. I remember the gift tag saying: “You’ll need this sooner or later!” I must say I felt a little ambivalent about it at the time it was gifted to me – it was all treated as a bit of a joke at the party – and I never really thought I’d use it. But when the time came for her to be spanked, I was glad I did. It somehow felt better, more formal, than swatting her with my hand. Hands are for loving and cuddling, I think.

Did you test it on yourself before that first use?

Yes I did, but perhaps not in the way you think – Hubby didn’t put me over his knee, if that’s what you mean! No, I’d sent Jessica to her bedroom to wait for me to come in and spank her. I got the paddle out of my bedside drawer and took my own jeans down for a moment, then I gave myself two firm swats with it on my inner thigh – I’d read in a Christian book on family discipline that this was the best way to test a spanking implement, as an adult’s inner thigh is about as sensitive as a young child’s bottom.

How did Jessica react to her first time?

Well, I don’t think you could say it was pleasant for either of us. It tore me up to see her so upset, but at the same time it was clear that the pain was teaching her an important lesson, so I hardened my heart and persevered. She was about four at the time, so she only got about four swats on her bare bum, but that was more than enough to do the trick.

How hard do you spank?

Actually not really very hard at all. It’s not necessary to beat your kid into the middle of next week – all that’s needed is for their bottom to sting for a little while. So I only ever spank from the wrist – that generates quite enough sting to make a child cry and regret their behaviour, which is what you’re trying to achieve. However, for the same reason, I only ever spank her panties down, because a bare bottom means you can make the same point by spanking less harshly.

Does her daddy also spank her?

No, it’s a job he prefers to leave to Mommy, I think. Also, she’s more modest now as she’s getting older, so I don’t think it would be altogether right for her father to see her private places now she’s a bigger girl. Of course, you could argue that it’s nothing he hasn’t seen before – he’s changed a gazillion diapers – but all the same…

What happens after the spanking?

We hug, and then pray together that the Lord will make her a better girl and that she will learn the lesson the spanking was intended to teach her. Then another hug and life carries on. I don’t believe in humiliating your child. A spanking is bad enough without any corner time nonsense, in my opinion.

How long will you continue to spank?

Well, as long as I feel it’s needed is the short answer. Though I guess the long answer is that I hope to be done by double figures, and the way her spankings are becoming fewer and farther between gives me a lot of hope that we may be able to put the paddle away – if not maybe the threat altogether – quite a bit before that.

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