Mothers Talking: Betty

Betty is a mother of three from Arizona. At the time of interview, her two daughters were aged nine and ten, and she also had a 10-year-old stepdaughter.

Are your children defiant when they are told they are going to get a spanking?

Yes, sometimes they are. My children, like all children, hate getting spanked, so when I tell them they are going to receive one they are never happy. When I tell them they are getting a spanking, they usually cry and whine about how they don’t want one but they usually follow me to the spot and comply. Parents have to learn to deal with this, as it can be emotionally difficult to spank your child when you know they do not like it at all.

Do they ever resist?

Yes, there are times. Recently Sasha disobeyed me and I told her she was going to get a spanking. She immediately screamed ‘no’ at me and ran off. I followed her as she ran out the door. This is a scenario I fear, but really it was just my daughter being hysterical rather than my daughter actually running away.

I walked out and stood by the door. She stopped running and turned to me. I calmly asked her whether she was going to come inside, and made it clear I was not going to go chasing after her. She apologised to me but didn’t budge.

Finally, a neighbour broke up the stand off as she walked by, asking what was wrong. I told her that Sasha was going to get a spanking for disobeying me and she was avoiding me. My neighbour, who happens to be pro-spanking as well, told Sasha: “Its best if you just go inside and get it over with.”

Sasha walked over to me. I brought her inside, took her to the couch and quickly bent her over my knee. I gave my little lecture once she was in position over my lap because I was worried she would try running off again. She was crying the whole time but actually was much calmer. I gave her the spanking, then told her not to run off like that again or she would get a much worse one.

On the other end of the spectrum, I’ve had times when my kids completely comply. I remember one time Paige earned a spanking and I told her so. She walked right over to me. I was already sitting down and instead of waiting for my lecture, she lay down across my lap waiting for her spanking.

How do the children react during the spanking?

Well, considering I just use my hand, I can produce a lot of pain. Typically, after each spank, as I make contact with their bottom, they flinch or jump. Usually, they are very wriggly during the spanking, which is the reason why I think that using that over the lap position is the safest way.

You’d think my youngest would react the worse, but actually Sasha is the most dramatic. She cries, even screams, kicks her legs, tries to move around, tries to cover her bottom with her hand. But these are things you need to expect if you choose to use spanking. It’s hard and sometimes discouraging, but you have to tell yourself you are doing it for their own good and that you are shaping their behaviour.

What do you think of spanking on the bare bottom?

I don’t really spank that way. I don’t do it, mainly because it is not necessary. I am not opposed to it though. Once the spankings stop hurting as much, I may start pulling their pants down, although you have to be careful to respect their privacy.

I have spanked them over their panties before, mainly when they were wearing a skirt. With a skirt, it’s difficult sometimes to see their bottom. So once they are over my knee, I flip their skirt up and turn it against their shirt, then give the spanking as normal over their panties.

Do you ever spank more than one child at the same time?

A couple of months ago, I had a babysitter over to take care of my kids while I was out for the evening. When I returned, I found the house a mess and the babysitter almost in tears. She said that my girls weren’t behaving.

I called them over and asked them why they were not behaving. They all were very guilty, none of them answering. The babysitter said that Sasha had gotten them all riled up and wild.

So I said to the babysitter: “You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to give each of them a spanking then have them apologize to you.” My kids were not happy overhearing this.

I sat down on the couch and called them over. I asked my kids “OK, who’s first?” None of them answered so I asked the babysitter who was the worst behaved. She said that Sasha had started it all, so I called Sasha over.

I asked the babysitter if she would be offended if I spanked my kids in front of her, because I wanted them to understand that they were getting spanked for disrespecting her, and having her present would send a stronger message. She said she didn’t mind. So I had Sasha bend over my knee and gave her 10 hard spanks. I could tell the babysitter was a little uncomfortable seeing it, and Sasha was very uncomfortable getting it, but it seemed like the appropriate thing to do. I did the same with Paige and Michaela.

After all three had been spanked, I had them stand in front of the babysitter and apologise to her.

So yes, there are lots of times when I have to spank two or all three of my kids. I simply go about it the same, only the other one is waiting for her turn. I think it is probably worse for the one going last because they have to anticipate, and seeing their sister crying as they get a spanking must be a little nerve-wracking.

Have you ever spanked your kids in public?

I have, but mostly when they were younger. I’ve done the quick one swat spank as they are standing, simply to stop them misbehaving. I don’t recommend doing that, I am just saying that I have done that.

I have given a couple over the knee spankings in public, mostly when they were younger. I remember sitting on a park bench spanking one of my daughters. Another time, I went into another room at a friend’s house and did the deed.

The most recent example of that was around a year ago. Sasha was being a brat at a clothing store when we were shopping. I kept warning her to calm down. I took her into the dressing room, sat on one of the little makeshift seats they have in there and told Sasha to bend over. I had to instruct her to do so several times before she complied.

Although the spanking wasn’t actually in public, I’m sure anyone who overheard was in no doubt about what was going on.  

Generally I don’t advise spanking in public. I usually wait until I get them home. But every once in a while, they need to know that mom is not ashamed to let everyone know that she spanks. 

How do you put your child in position for the spanking?

I presume you’re referring to the over the knee position. I use it because it’s safe, it’s effective, it’s memorable and it creates an attitude of submission – something essential for proper discipline.

Getting the child in position can be tricky at times, because after all it’s not something any child wants. When your children are younger it’s fairly simple – you can pick them up and place them over your lap. Since they are so small, you can place them easily and hold them in place with just your arm.

For older children, it would seem more difficult but really it’s not very hard. Ideally, you want your child resting their pelvic region over your thigh closest to them, with their arms dangling on the opposite side.

This causes the body to contort, with the bottom sticking out making a very easy target. It can be dangerous to slap other parts of the body, such as the back, and the legs tend to not be as effective.

But ideally, you want your child to bend over submissively for their spanking. As I say, my kids nowadays tend to be quite obedient about this. But if they are not, you can threaten them with a worse spanking, usually in the form of more swats, if they don’t comply. This works a lot of times.

The other way is to force them over your knee. You have to be careful, though, and you need to remain calm at all times. With Sasha, I’ve used this method many times. I grab her left arm with my left hand and pull her towards me. As her legs come into contact with my lap, the momentum causes her to fall forward. As her stomach touches my lap, I reach my left arm around her, beneath her right armpit, and hold her in place. Now she is in the proper position and the spanking can begin.

Do you ever spank other kids besides your own?

No I don’t. While I don’t think it is necessarily wrong to do that, at the same time I feel spanking is essentially the parent’s job. I have had my kids’ friends over at our house many times and if they misbehave, I simply call their parents and they deal with them. I wouldn’t have a problem with my spanking my friends’ children, as long as they gave me permission, but I feel they should be their child’s ultimate authority figure, not me.

What are your overall feelings about spanking?

I know that to many it may seem cruel or barbaric, but for me, spanking is about being a good mother with good intentions, and trying to raise my children to be good adults. I don’t enjoy spanking my kids and I’m not exactly proud of it, but I’m not scared to tan their bottoms when I think it’s needed.

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